someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
