i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
