New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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