I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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