i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I supernannyed him into submission
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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