i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
