Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
