So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
