you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
