I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
