There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
