don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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