i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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