the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
