I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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