barbara walters just said penis...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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