Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
