i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
