She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
