I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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