Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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