Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
