whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
