Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
