Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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