I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
