I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
