Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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