she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
