He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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