So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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