We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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