Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize