Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
