I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
