ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
