last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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