we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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