wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize