Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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