sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
