So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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