Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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