How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
