My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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