Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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