Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
