Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's never too late to be topless.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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