My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I need to stop coming to work sober
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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