You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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