At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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