it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
