The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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