we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
