Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
