when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
