ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i think i just lost a toe
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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