dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
