dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
