dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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