Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize