You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
