i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
