if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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