The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the high leading the old right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
