He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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