I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
