I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
