I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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