my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
