Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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