woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
