is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
