before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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