I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
