I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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