remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
