My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
