So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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