i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
