we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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