WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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