My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
