Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
