worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
