How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
