So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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