There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize