it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
