i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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