Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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