i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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