Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize