No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
