I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
