It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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