dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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