Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
