i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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