I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
