I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
