She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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