I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
