If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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