If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
