If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
