bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
