Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
