good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
