dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
