Don't make out with my wife yet
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
