Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
