Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I CAN MOONWALK!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
