I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize