Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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