You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
