And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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