There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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