I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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