dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
